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I have lived a tragic life with a few upbringings.
Looking at it from a third point of view, my life IS in fact, tragic. If my life was a movie, you'd feel so sorry for me. No one would ever believe what I say, and I am accused of literally everything - no questions asked, and no one on my side. Also, from a psychological standpoint, my parents didn't raise me right. My mentality has been scarred since the day they have whipped me nonstop when I was 3. I specifically remembered it was only to discipline me to not bring my friends into their room. I am deeply sorry, mom and dad for my untrained mind to bring my friends into your room. I was only 3.
I have had my ups and downs in terms of my consistency in prayer. My parents caused me to have a rough relationship with Christ. Okay, okay it should be MY fault, but my parents didn't give me a good foundation on my pathways to life. I can't remove the images of them scolding me left and right before, during AND after church. Very Christian of them to act that way.
There were kids throughout my childhood who would bully me in school and my mom would make fun of me about it when I came to her arms and cried.
I have a weird physical/mental disorder that I am born with. The kind of
I had a sister and cousins making irrational arguments to me and beat me nonstop because they had the advantage of "power" over me.
OKAY SORRY! ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE!!!
Can you believe I lost my cell phone, keys, and wallet multiple times, and 100% of the time someone returns it? That's the ONLY good thing in my life I can be proud of. Am I lucky? Is it good karma? What is it?
I could go on with detailing my life more, but it would only be negative. The good aspects of my life listed right above this paragraph is like the FEW good things to come in my life.
Also, I'm tired. I don't want to blog anymore. *snore*
12 comments:
Wow Kiki, I had no idea. What a fkd up childhood! I don't understand the part about being ugly & stupid, since you are clearly smart & beautiful - were you being serious?
Anyway, I wanted to tell you that JUST LAST NIGHT i had a dream about the world ending. I think it was because I was thinking about Haiti. Everyone knew the Earth was about to blow up. I was going around patting it & telling it that it did a good job as a planet, raising all these life forms. Then I went into a store to buy something and asked if I could have an "end of the world discount." They said yes.
I was thinking about that dream today - I think that some people would find peace in shopping at the end of the world, even though they'd know they'd never get the stuff home. It would be an end of the world therapy for them.
I understand the feeling that nothing would matter. On the other hand, if we live in the moment instead of waiting for the future than everything would matter as much as it always does - love, happiness, hate, fear - the only thing that's real is this moment. Gandhi said to live now the way you want to live in the future (or something to that effect).
Sorry for the long reply!
Eric
I think i`d listen to that classic song from 1972 "LAST NIGHT I DIDN`T GET TO SLEEP AT ALL, NO, NO", it would be a nice way to go just before all the giant mushrooms sprouted.
Sorry this next comment will be of no interest to you Kiki, its just meant for the benefit of Eric and Jefferi. Lads, visit "the Pauline Hickey fan page" for dozens of naked images of one of the most incredible chicks of all time. Once again Kiki my apologies but i just think every geezer in the world should spend 6 hours a day on that site. Actually if the world was about to end it would be great to spend your "LAST" 6 hours on that site, at least you`d snuff it with a smile on your face.
Its an interesting coincidence that the song that Jennifer said she would listen to at the end of the world "LAST NIGHT I DIDN`T GET TO SLEEP AT ALL, NO, NO" (great song by the way) was actually used at the beginning of the canadian made 1998 cult movie "LAST NIGHT" starring Sandra Oh, which strangely enough depicted the end of the world.
Kiki, you`re a gorgeous little sexpot and a really clever and witty little darlin` and dont you ever let any silly hateful bastards tell you different. Actually it would be so magical if when the end of the world came we were on an island together somewhere in the pacific then we wouldn`t even know the rest of the world was gone because we`d be to busy indulging in endless and copious amounts of sexual activity on our island paradise (and no radiation to worry about either). Kiki and jervaise brooke hamster were made for each other baby surely you must realise that by now!!!.
Kiki, i just watched "LAST NIGHT" on YouTube and it is an odd and edgy cult item although strickly speaking i didn`t think it was a good film.
the end is near...
that is a very scary word to read and hear to most of us. we always thinks life we live now is not enough and we have to do more. the truth, it will never be enough.
every one has a very different childhood memories. some parents are very strict with their children and some are not. living and growing in an asian family is strict and a bit harsh especially when your parent is still hanging with its old minded values. it is not that bad but it is just how one think about it.
even thou you has been living in a very rough relationship with christ, it is not good to play the game blame. lets look it at this way. you knew that you flow away from him, why not try and seek and knew him from now on. at the end, it is your life to live and no one can tell you what to do with your life.
childhood memories can be sweet and bitter. it is part of learning and growing up. better try to forget and forgive because what has past, past.
ugly and stupid is just a personal interpretation. no one can say that to you unless you allow them to do that. so, it is up to you.
i believe there are so many good thing in your life. don't be hard on yourself. you're now on the point of life where what you do now will influence and affect you in future. if you choose to be sad, you will living in a sad and vice verse.
discover new thing, do things that can fulfill your life. you have a very interesting talent. i believe you can be someone special!
Jefferi all i can do is tell you what i told Kiki a few months ago, you must listen to Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Jonathan Miller, Sam Harris and Daniel Dennett. Their videos all all available on YouTube and They will educate you about about the harsh realities and bizarre surrealism of the human condition. When you`ve listened to them life wont seem so difficult or problematic anymore because they will have put you in touch with "THE TRUTH" as opposed to religious lies and hypocrisy.
Kiki, dont worry about missing solar eclipses they`re ludicrously over-rated. I do think its great that you`re over-exposing yourself on the internet in fact the next time you do a YouTube video how about appearing in a really skimpy bikini or even perhaps completely naked!!!, that would be magical.
thanks for the info teddy.. i will keep it in mind.. :)
Well Jefferi what did you think of the amazing Miss Pauline Hickey?, i think you`ll agree that between 1985 and 1991 from when she was 17 to 23 when most of the pictures were taken and when she was by definition at the absolute pinnacle and peak of her physical attractiveness and desirability that bird was perhaps the most breathtakingly gorgeous chick who has ever existed.
Thanks for the advice about "the pauline hickey fan page" pal, i`ll be jerking off to that site for months, that bird is truly astonishing.
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